Am I Hurting My Partner?
Who comes to the MENS group? If you question if you are using power and control in your relationship, the MENS Group is here to help. As part of WC&S, the MENS Group offers education and support to help men work to change their attitudes and behaviors.
The MENS Group (Men Embracing Non-Violence & Safety) offers information and psychoeducation on abusive behaviors, understanding triggers, and accepting accountability for one’s own actions.
Abuse is a choice.
So is changing your behavior.
We can help.
This program is just a first step. It requires personal motivation and the desire to change. The men who participate in our program are committed to recognizing violence and abusive behaviors so they can choose a different path.
The MENS Group supports you in understanding:
- How your thoughts and attitudes put you at risk for choosing abusive behaviors.
- How choosing controlling behaviors can cause harm in your relationships.
- How using responsible decision-making can lessen your controlling behaviors and choices.
- How your personal growth can impact others around you.
How Can I Tell If I’m Abusive?
Domestic violence (DV) can take many forms, including emotional and verbal manipulation as well as physical violence. Some common examples of domestic violence and intimate partner violence may include:
- Checking your partner’s cell phone or email without their permission
- Repeatedly texting or calling your partner multiple times per day
- Demanding all of your partner’s attention and time
- Constantly putting down or insulting your partner
- Getting mad if your partner talks to other people and getting jealous easily
- Making all the decisions
- Always insisting on winning an argument, no matter what
- Controlling the finances and deciding how to spend money without involving your partner
- Criticizing your partner’s friends or family, and discouraging your partner from spending time with them
- Using mood swings to justify manipulation and controlling behaviors.
- Having an “explosive temper” or getting extremely upset at small things.
- Physically hurting your partner (hitting, punching, choking/strangling, slapping, etc.)
- Coercing, forcing, or threatening your partner to have sex
- Driving under the influence or driving recklessly
Why Do Men Come to the MENS Group?
In many cases, the men who attend our groups may have been court-mandated or required by probation or CYF to do so. They may have also been served with a Protection from Abuse Order or other forms of legal notice. However, many men also come to the MENS Group out of an earnest desire to change themselves.
Whatever the reason, our mission is to create a positive and open environment to help men who struggle with abusive tendencies to learn constructive ways to cope with their emotions and practice healthy relationship habits.
Helping Abusive Men Change
In the MENS Group, we believe that if you commit to being open and take accountability for your behavior, you can change.
This is a lifelong process, and it will be challenging. It may be without rewards or support from a partner. You will, however, have support from the men and the facilitators in this program as you navigate through your journey. You will learn the skills and tools to reconsider your thoughts and your chosen behavior.
Completing this program is no guarantee of making safer choices. The MENS Group helps men better understand how their thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors affect the people that they care about. We can provide the information, but the work must be done by you. Our desire is to keep everyone – you, your partner, and your children – safe throughout this journey.
Common Questions
Who comes to the MENS Group?
Many of our participants have been court-mandated or required by probation or CYF to complete a program for men who use abuse. Other men have contacted us themselves to gain a better understanding of how to not choose abusive behaviors.
What will I learn in the MENS Group?
We’ll help you identify your feelings and emotions and give you tools to manage and change your behavior. Most importantly, we’ll help you recognize that abuse is a choice – not an illness. You, and only you, are responsible for your behavior.
What might surprise you about the MENS Group?
There are no justifications or excuses for abuse.
Our goal is not to help you save your relationship or to have you end it with your partner. We help support you in making the choices that will be healthiest and safest for everyone.
We are not an anger management program. Anger management is a piece of what we do but stopping controlling and abusive behavior requires more than just managing your anger.
How to Start
Call The MEN’S Group at (412) 687-8017 ext. 340. Leave a message to speak with the coordinator about your interest. The coordinator will return your call to tell you more about the program and set up an intake session to learn more about you.
If you have been court-ordered, you must call within 10 days of your order.
