Types of Domestic Violence
DV is all about power and control
When people hear the terms “domestic violence” and “intimate partner violence,” they may think only of physical abuse like punching or kicking. But domestic violence is defined by the use of power and control within a relationship and includes multiple types of abuse that may compound their effects and impact.
This list is not exhaustive. There are other types of abuse such as academic abuse, spiritual abuse, cultural/identity abuse, child abuse, and abuse based on immigration status.
A common theme among the types and forms of abuse is the intent of the abuser to control the other person, often by hurting them, making them feel unworthy or powerless, or isolating them from others.
Some types of abuse are illegal, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, stalking, terroristic threats, and child abuse. Laws differ from state to state. But whether or not a type of abuse is illegal, it still has a negative impact on the survivor and their children.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is among the most common forms of abuse, as well as one of the most dangerous. It consists of literal and purposeful acts of violence taken against the victim. Physical abuse may include any of the following:
- Choking or strangulation
- Pushing
- Pinching or biting
- Slapping, punching, beating, or kicking
- Backing you into a corner or pinning you down
- Throwing objects
- Using or threatening to use a weapon against you
- Holding you captive
- Breaking down a door to get to you
- Preventing you from eating or sleeping
- Forcing your car off the road or driving at an unsafe speed to intimidate you
- Abandoning you in dangerous places
- Keeping you from getting medical care, or withholding medications or medical treatment
- Refusing to help you when you are sick, injured, or pregnant
- Abusing or being cruel to pets
Verbal Abuse
Identifying verbal abuse can be challenging because people may dismiss things as “just something they said,” or say that others are “too sensitive.” However, there is a clear line between harmless banter and harmful language meant to demean, degrade, or control someone. Examples of verbal abuse may include:
- Name calling
- Yelling
- Degrading you in front of friends and family
- Using “backhanded compliments” to tear down your self-esteem
- Criticizing your appearance, performance, or choices
- Public or private humiliation
- Blaming you for things out of your control
- Accusing you of things you haven’t done
- Telling hurtful “jokes” despite your requests to stop
- Using your words against you out of context
Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse involves the regular and deliberate use of a range of words and non-physical actions directed with the purpose to manipulate, hurt, weaken or frighten a person mentally and emotionally. The end result causes the survivor to look at their world differently, and can make it incredibly difficult to even acknowledge that the abuse is taking place. Examples of psychological abuse may include:
- Isolating you from family and friends
- Controlling what you do, who you talk to, and where you go
- Making threats against you
- Attacking your vulnerabilities, such as your language abilities, educational level, parenting choices, religious and cultural beliefs, or physical appearance
- Playing mind games, such as undercutting your sense of reality (“gaslighting”)
- Breaking promises, not following through on agreements, or not taking the fair share of responsibility
- Forcing you to do degrading things
- Ignoring your boundaries or feelings
- Using reckless behavior or the threat of harm to control and intimidate you
- Regularly threatening to leave or telling you to leave
- Locking you out of the house
- Accusing you of cheating or having an affair
- Being unfaithful or cheating
- Always claiming to be right
- Blaming you for mistakes or accidents that are not your fault
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse and rape can affect anyone, regardless of age or sexual orientation, and in some cases may also involve children. It may not always involve the act of sexual intercourse, but does involve actions and situations of a sexual nature. Examples of sexual abuse may include:
- Unwanted touching
- Demanding sex
- Forcing sex
- Name-calling with sexual overtones
- Demanding sex after a violent incident
- Forcing you to engage in sex work or pornography
- Forcing you to have sex with others besides your partner
- Insisting on anything sexual that frightens or hurts you
- Refusing to use safe sex practices
- Preventing you from using birth control
- Controlling your decisions about pregnancy and/or abortion
- Withholding sex as a form of control
- Videotaping or photographing sexual acts and posting it without your permission
- Alleging that you have a history of prostitution on legal papers
- Claiming that there is no such thing as rape within a marriage or legal union or telling you that “the law” states you must continue to have sex until you are divorced
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse focuses on removing the victim’s financial independence or ability to earn a separate income. The goal may be to force the victim to be dependent on the abuser. Examples of financial abuse may include:
- Preventing you from having or keeping a job
- Interfering with your efforts to maintain a job by sabotaging childcare, transportation, or other arrangements
- Harassing you at work
- Not including you in family financial decisions, or preventing you from accessing the family finances
- Refusing to work
- Making you ask for money, taking your money, or demanding an explanation of everything you buy
- Not allowing you to talk to others about money
- Not allowing your name to be on accounts to prevent you from accessing them or building credit
- Taking out credit cards in your name without your knowledge or forcing you to put your name on accounts and then destroying your credit
- Expecting you to behave in a certain way because you make less money or are not the “breadwinner”
- Preventing you from learning English
- Forcing you to work “illegally” when you do not have a work permit
- Threatening to report you to the IRS if you work “under the table”
- Taking money you planned to send to family members in another state or country
- Forcing you to sign papers in English that you do not understand, such as court papers, IRS forms, or immigration papers
- Harassing you at the only job you can work at legally in the U.S., so that you lose that job and are forced to work “illegally”
Academic Abuse
Academic abuse involves preventing educational growth. Academic abuse may also be connected to financial abuse, since often people go to school with the goal of getting a job or improving their income. Examples of academic abuse may include:
- Preventing you from working on papers or studying for tests
- Insisting you don’t love your partner if you spend time on your education instead of spending time together
- Calling or distracting you at all hours, especially before tests and other important academic assignments
- Monitoring your behavior during class or taking all of the same classes as you
- Belittling your academic focus and choices
- Making fun of you for studying too much
Technological Abuse
Technological abuse can involve direct control over your actions and life choices, or can be a form of cyberstalking to monitor your behavior. Examples of technological abuse may include:
- Monitoring your texts, email, or social media
- Sending you repeated, unwelcome emails or text messages
- Using GPS devices to monitor your location
- Taking control of your online accounts to post false information
- Using your online identity to send your personal information and/or picture to sexually-oriented or pornographic sites
- Using social media sites to get information about you or to monitor your friends
- Posting false or offensive comments on your public social media profiles to shame or embarrass you
Stalking
Stalking is a pattern of behaviors directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel afraid, vulnerable, or unsafe. It is often made up of a series of individual acts that may or may not, by themselves, seem harmless or noncriminal, but when taken in the context of a stalking situation, could constitute criminal acts. Stalking is serious and can escalate to become violent over time.
Stalking often involves physical, in-person acts as well as digital acts through social media or apps/devices that can track location.
Stalking often encompasses unwanted, repeated behaviors that are intended to surveil, monitor, threaten, and ultimately scare someone, such as:
- Repeatedly calling your phone, including hang-ups
- Following you and showing up wherever you are, or driving by and lingering near your home, school, or work
- Sending unwanted gifts, letters, texts, or emails
- Damaging your home, car, or other property
- Monitoring your phone calls or computer use, possibly through spyware
- Using technology, like hidden cameras or GPS, to track where you go
- Threatening to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets
- Using other people to try to communicate with you, like children, family, or friends
- Performing other actions that control, track, or frighten you
What To Do About Domestic Violence
If you or someone you know is experiencing any of the types of abuse listed above, our expert staff of trained professionals is here to offer help or more information about domestic abuse and intimate partner violence. Please contact our free and confidential Hotline.
